Welcome to the Sword of Sure Podcast. Where doubt looms, fear whispers, and the only way forward is through. I'm Samar Carbo, and if you've ever felt like you're just sort of sure about what you're doing, you're not alone. This is where we face the uncertainty. Push past the hesitation, and keep going anywhere way. So take a breath, step in, and let's move forward together. Hello and welcome to the Sort of Shore Podcast. In case you missed it in the beginning, my name is Samar Carbo. I am so happy to have you here on this episode. Carolyn sat down and spoke with me and we talked about everything from her time at Walmart to her move out to an entirely different part of the world to find her people. There's a lot of great nuggets of wisdom in this, but before we get to it, if you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt, shoot me an email at sort of surepodmail.com let's have a listen.

I am Carolyn Kostalecki. I am a tenured people leader. I love working with people from all walks of life and I was a manager for Walmart for five years and I also was a I am a manager for US Bank Card Member Services right now. And in my volunteer life I am currently the JCI Minnesota State President. And in the past I have been Shakopee JCI Shakopee's chapter president. And in college I was president of Winona State University's History association and Phi Alpha Theta, which is the history Honor society society. So lots of leadership experience and all different kinds of flavors, but it's been a great time meeting people from so many different walks of life.

Awesome. Thanks for doing that. So let's hop right in. Why do you lead? You do. It seems like as, as you know, we've gone through your, your history and now and the in the it's just you lead. So what I guess is a real question, what in your history or anything like that has led you toward that?

I don't think that I chose to be a leader as much as I was the chosen leader. If I was in high school or middle school, I was the one who organized all of the outings with my friends. Like, even when we went into the movie theater choosing our seats back before you had assigned seats in movie theaters, I was the one saying, okay, let's go. I guess we're gonna sit here because I'm the one leading the pack. So, you know, it's just kind of always come natural And I enjoy.

Acceptance. Did you come by it pretty easy in that? I mean, obviously you were working very hard, and not necessarily for that, but you were just working hard in general. Did that. Did you come by acceptance because of that, or was it just your obviously sparkling personality?

It took them a little while to warm up to me. I was definitely. It was definitely a culture shock for me going to Rapid City, South Dakota, that first week. I got called up to the customer service desk, and I remember just being really nervous, but I took a deep breath to center myself. I walked up there and I'm like, I'm going to be confident. I'm the manager. I can do this. Get up there. There's an angry man there. And this man says to me, I want to speak to the manager. I said, I am the manager. And he said, no, you can't be the manager. You're a woman. And I was just like, what? And I was, you know, assistant store manager. First week I got nervous, I paged the store manager. I'm like, mark, this guy says he wants to speak to a male manager. And Mark says, I don't have time for that, Carolyn. Tell him you're the boss, and if he doesn't like that, then he can just leave the store. So I. So I said, sir, I'm the best person to help you. I am a manager, and I can assure you that. And I can help you there, but there is no one else here that is available at this time, so I'm the best person to help you. He ended up listening to me and letting me help him, but begrudgingly.

And that's so tough to be in that situation where he knows there's a societal slant. He knows that he's pushing a button and he still does it. And I'm sure it was a little bit more than frustrating to hear that, but it's. He took it great because I don't know that I would have just hearing that if I was in line, too. So then you come from that. That experience, being one of your first in town. Did that place become home for a.

Bit Rapid and City and I, we. We had a bit of a falling out. We didn't. We didn't really like each other much, but the people I worked with absolutely loved them to death. But there was just a lot of domestic violence in Rapid City. And when you think of Walmart, Walmart's really a microcosm of the city it's in. And so a lot of those domestic spats that were happening behind closed doors would also come into the store and spats with neighbors and what have you. Also there was a big meth problem as well. So it was, it was a lot. And I also had an employee that went missing in my tenure there and that was just very devastating for me. So I was very relieved to get back to Minnesota when I did so.

That is so tough. But definitely external factors that kept it from being home for you. And so jci, you've been a member for how long now?

Oh, seven years.

Okay. Time flew, right?

Yes. Yeah.

Well, they keep you busy enough, right?

Oh, for sure.

You. So in growing with that, you were a member for a long time before you came, you became a chapter president. And as you were sort of entering into that role, was there any speed bumps there or self doubt as you were entering presidency of this volunteer, this large volunteer organization?

Oh, oh. When I ran for chapter president, I, I was unopposed. And I remember they told me I had to give a speech during the elections meeting and I said I could speak up to five minutes and I thought that I had to give a five minute speech. So I legit planned a five minute speech and I gave a five minute speech in that elections meeting. And I think they were like, you really didn't have to take five minutes. And so that's kind of when I learned, you know, keep it short and to the point. Two minutes is really a good speech length, especially when you're running if you can cover everything that you want to cover. So. But I was well received. I did have some challenges there. There's a lot of challenges in a volunteer organization that's different from work. And the thing is, is you would expect that being in a volunteer organization, everyone's going to be happy and everyone's going to have a good time and that we're all adults and we're going to behave like adults. And that's not always the case. So there's, you know, times as chapter president and even when I was on the board prior, when I was management development vice president, I was just shocked. I was like, we're adults. Why, why are we making drama? This should be a fun, fun thing. And I don't, I don't get it. Also why are we touching people when we don't have consent? But that's important, you know. But you know, I learned I my chapter presidency, I wanted to do everything and get everything done and have a perfect presidency. And so I ended up being doing a lot of my board members jobs for them and I got the, I think it's the Charles Umbruster Award for local president on the national level. So I did do a lot, but I burnt myself out in it. And so this time around, being state president, it looks a lot different. I'm letting people fail on my team because we don't learn if we don't fail. So, so I'm letting some pieces fall and that's okay. I. My theme this year as state president is sustainability. And that's really the sustainability of our members. We can't keep doing things the way we always did because we're a much smaller organization and we also need to give ourselves some forgiveness. As leaders, we. As leaders, we expect the world out of ourselves. And sometimes we forget that we're human and that we need to rest. And rest is not the same as being lazy. It's okay to have an afternoon and binge Netflix. It's not going to be the end of the world because our bodies actually need that. Rest is not just the alleged eight hours of sleep we get at night, probably more like six or seven, but you do need more rest outside of that as well. And that's just really what I've been focused on with my presidency this year.

That's really good. And so obviously rest is where we all get our energy from. And, and so I see that. And this restorative practice that you're talking about, what sort of habits have you put in place to make rest a better priority.

For me? So we're entering the busiest season for, for my chapter and for me, September, August through September are just like every weekend is booked. So I have lazy Mondays and it's not really lazy. Lazy shouldn't be treated as a four letter word, which is something that I've worked through. But so on Mondays I will probably stay in my comfy clothes or pajamas all day. I work from home, but I, I won't necessarily force myself to go out for a walk and I won't do anything that is over the top required of me. So, so I don't schedule anything in the evenings. On Mondays I am just gonna sit on my couch and watch Netflix or I'm going to, I'm going to paint or I'm just going to do something just mindless for the evening. So I do that. And then when I start to notice that I'm burning out, I say, okay, it's time to take a mental health day. It's time to turn off the electronics and just give myself space because I'm not a machine. And I can tell that, like if I keep going and going and going. I start to get short with people and that's when I know that I am. I'm at burnout and I need to just take some time to restore myself. So.

That is absolutely wonderful. And I really like your perspective on this word lazy because lazy is a word that was made up by people who want us to work all the time. We don't have to work all the time. We can slow down. If we were lazy, we'd be happy, but we're not. We want to be working. We just need to rest and do restorative work on ourselves. So that's super cool. So if you were faced with somebody who wanted to get to, say, chapter president, they wanted to get to a people leader in card services, they want to get to a leadership position, either personally, volunteer, professional, but they're stuck in self doubt, in imposter syndrome, whatever walls that they put up, what would you say to them? What advice would you have?

Leadership is everywhere in our lives. And so I would ask them to think about times that they have led. And it could be that they are leading their household, like maybe they're mom or a dad and they are taking care of all the kids, soccer appointments, doctor's appointments, all the different things. That's leadership. Or are you a busy person and you're coordinating all the get togethers with your friends? That's also leadership. So thinking about those small ways in which you lead in your personal life and think about how you can expand on that. Now there are right ways and wrong ways to leadership. And if you're thinking, I want to be a leader because I can get everybody to do everything I want them to, that that's not gonna work. Leadership is all about building relationships with people. And so I think if we look at our, if we want to be a leader, we have to explore our relationships with people and say, do I have rich relationships with people? Do I get out of my comfort zone and advocate for myself or do I go and network with people that I don't know yet? And if not, I say start there. I have people on my team who are looking to learn more about leadership. And the first thing I say is reach out to one stranger every day on teams and just say, hey, I got an email from you and I appreciate your work with the website. Or hey, I got an email from you and I'd like to know more about what this business resource group does. Or, you know, I saw you in a team chat the other day and I wanted to reach out to get to know you a little bit more and see what you do. So get leaning into curiosity and reaching out and flexing that networking muscle is a good place where I start with a lot of my people on my team. And then I also say, you know, empathy is also a good one, too, because if I'm listening to your calls because we're in a call center environment, I'm listening to your calls, and somebody tells you their husband died, and you're like, okay, let's process this. Let's process this so that the bank knows that your husband passed away. No, that's not. That's not it. We have to connect with each other as individuals. Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that your husband passed away. Let me get this started for you so that we can get this taken off your plate. So, you know, just empathy and networking, working on those two skills. Those are like the key skills in leadership.

One last thing, because it just popped into my brain. You talked about sort of who you are as a person being sort of anathema to Rapid City in South Dakota. Does who you are feel at home where you are now?

Absolutely. I just want to be in a place where everyone can coexist. And there was, like I said, a lot of sexism and racism in Rapid City. And I don't. I. I think that everybody should just be comfortable in their own skin. And I. I do know that racism does exist and sexism does exist in Minnesota. I am not blind to that. But it is not necessarily something that I see every day. And I see a lot of people advocating for each other and being human and kind with each other and just accepting and respecting that we're all in this life together. Why should we make it any harder? Or, you know, we're all just trying to get by and I should just worry about my own piece of the puzzle and why should I make somebody else's life harder for that?

So.

So I definitely feel at home in Minnesota.

Great. And that's. I mean, you know, my limited experience with the Minnesota crew is that you are all exactly where you're supposed to be. You're all just the most polite and kind people, and I love that. And. And I have to applaud you for, you know, because, I mean, it's a central thing of the show. I'm however many episodes deep now, and I keep seeing that the central feeling of imposter syndrome and self doubt is I'm wrong, you know, to feel like there's something in you that's wrong or something that you are that's incorrect somehow by some random metric and standing in your truth in South Dakota and saying, I'm right. This is, this is the wrong place for me. And these are not my people. It takes a lot of self determinism. It takes determination rather, it takes just knowing who you are. And it takes a lot of courage to move away from that. So I applaud you just as a human.

Thank you.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for being on the Cert of Sure podcast. It has been such a pleasure speaking with you.

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Absolutely. Well, you have a great rest of your day, Carolyn.

Thank you. You too. Yep. Bye.

What did I tell you? I want to thank Carolyn once again for being on the sort of sure podcast. Great nuggets of wisdom. I want to just recap a little bit of that, that ending for you here. Leadership is everywhere. You may be leading right now and you may not even know it. We don't learn if we don't fail. Give yourself a chance. Try things. Fail at more and you'll succeed more in the end. The one, two punch of kind of winning friends and influencing people is networking and empathy. Really like that one. And, well, you know, there goes my Rapid City sponsorship, but I don't think they were in the market for a podcast like mine to sponsor. Thank you so much for joining us on the sort of sheer pod today and we'll see you next week. Later days. Sam.