Welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. Where doubt looms, fear whispers, and the only way forward is through. I'm Samar Carbo, and if you've ever felt like you're just sort of sure about what you're doing, you're not alone. This is where we face the uncertainty. Push past the hesitation and keep going anyway way. So take a breath, step in, and let's move forward together. Hello and welcome to a special Sunday edition of the Sword of Shear podcast. We are coming at you with episode 33, meaning part two of my conversation with Dr. Darlene Williams, Pratt's author, speaker, parent podcaster, and so many other things. I truly don't have time to list all of them into this conversation, but we had so much fun. I hope you enjoy as we go a little bit deeper into the story that we've heard and into her philosophies on life. But before we start that episode back up, if you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt, shoot me an email at sort of surepod gmail.com. let's have a listen.

I'm not just another business coach on TikTok selling manifestation and margins. That's not who I am. I'm the person who mixes emotional intelligence with Excel spreadsheets and research. And the real me. I'm the person who will cry because I cannot figure out how to get some of this techy stuff to work. And then I'll go right back at it. But the last minute giving up is not a part of what I do. If someone had to choose, say, choose a word that describes you. Tenacity.

Yeah. And that's, and that, that weighs heavy on the people who look at you and think you're a superhero. And I'm sure in the life you live, there are many who see you as this pillar of self assuredness and think, yeah, she's not like me.

Yeah.

So then they're wrong.

I walk into. I walk into a room and I have imposter syndrome. I'm like, what?

Yeah. So you know, on that topic, when you have that imposter syndrome, those. A lot of people describe it as voices or strong feelings. What is it saying to you?

It say, let's not pretend everything is smooth. Let's not pretend that. Because people think being an entrepreneur is this glamorous thing like camping in the rain in a hotel. No. Oh, contrary, Mon fair. It is really like going camping in a tent. And there was a storm, you got wet. But you can't go outside your tent. Why? Because there's a bear. Get it up there. And you have zero WI fi to give help. You have no bars on your phone, right? When I walk into a room, feel what I call elite, I smile and I say to myself, you belong here. If you didn't belong here, God would not have let you get beautiful with this hair and these lashes and these nails and these heels that hurt like hell. I don't know why men think worse.

That is the worst.

Yeah. We are so much in pain. I want to see you in a pair of heels. I really do. You walk around for five hours smiling in a, you know, a pair of heels that are like sky high and your brain is going, oh my God, if I could just get home and take these shoes off. But the good looking shoes. I just use compassion for myself. I start there. I use compassion for myself. Because you want to be the whole you during your journey with anybody. You want to be compassionate towards you, you want to be sassy towards you, you want to be passionate towards you and you want to be merciful and graceful towards you.

Yes.

When you walk into a room of suits, when you walk in and you're the, you're the guy in jeans and some nice boots and a nice shirt and a blazer smile, obviously you have a reason to tell them something. Doesn't matter how you dress. It doesn't matter if you came in the kangaroo suit. If you can give them what they want, that's okay. That's okay. Because at the end of the day, I tell people to. When you think about. And I do this with women a lot of the time I do, I don't do with men as much because men are weird. But that's a whole. It's called imagination. And you say, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to imagine a person you want to kiss right now. You want to kiss them on their lips, not hard, just very, very gently, much like a butterfly. And then you want to breathe them in to your very soul and then hold them there. And I asked them to sit down, open your eyes. How do you feel? How do you feel? That's how you want to feel every time you walk into a room. Even if you walk in by yourself, imagine the kiss every single time. And that feeling of security and warmth and love, that's being the energy that's being transferred back. And their hand on the small of your back and your arm on the back of their neck, just gently kissing. And women give me this, wow, that's an experience. I said, yeah. When you walk in, there's no imposter syndrome because whatever that energy is, it now follows you.

So then if you were to be speaking to, as I'm sure you are on a regular basis, but if you were to be speaking to one of the listeners right now, and they're in a place of imposter syndrome, maybe they're frozen and they don't want to do the big things because they don't think they can. But if they could get out of their own way, they would. You know, that kind of thing. What advice would you have for that person?

First, what are you afraid of? Answer that question honestly. What are you afraid of? Not what does someone do that makes you afraid? What are you afraid of? And the next thing I give them is a call out. And I'd say out loud, this voice telling you that you're not good enough. That's not the truth. That's fear disguised. That's fear disguised. So the first thing I do is call them out, give them the awareness to dismantle the power that is the imposter syndrome, the next thing I would do is, hey, let's stop and measure backwards. Let's do something like that. And what that means is, I'm going to help you compare yourself to where others are, but forget to compare you to where you started. And look at your timeline. You didn't just arrive here by accident. You built this. Whatever this is, own it. This is where you are. Own that space. And I want to make sure they document receipts. Now, I know most people hate when I say that, but create a proof folder for yourself. That means emails, testimonials, results. Even when words from a stranger are said. Create a, like, a file. And whenever that imposter creeps in, open that file up. That's real. And listen to the voice in your head that says, not so much, none of this. And then you've got the detachment. You have to detach. So wherever you are in your life, don't hold on to that with both feet and your hands. And you. No, you need to be present, willing to grow. That's enough. Be present, be willing, and grow. Because anything you had behind you, it's a building block. Yes, maybe some things are negative, some things are positive, but everything doesn't make you stronger. Some things make you weaker, some people make you weaker. So you may have to detach from certain people. It's kind of like being allergic. Okay? One minute you know, you're going on with your life, and then you eat something, you go, oh, I Have a tickle in my throat. Sometimes you have to see the red flags and be honest with self. And I love this, talk about it. That's what people don't like to do. They don't, they don't like talk about that imposter syndrome, but talk about it. Yeah, that's where the work comes. When you talk about it with your mentor, when you talk about it, when your peers, when you talk about it with your friends. Because imposter syndrome begins to shrink when you talk about it. Unlike other things, they, how they begin to grow when you start to express and your, your mentors especially will go, well, no, what about this? This, they start to question you. Then you know, my favorite mantra is I didn't trick anyone into letting me in here. I earned it. And I allow myself to grow here so that I could go to the.

Next there and taking, taking that as a note. I want to tell everybody that one. No.

And, and it's a fact. Think about it. When you go to spaces, like when I go to spaces to speak, someone invited me to that space, right? So I didn't trick anybody to invite me to that space. They found something I did said valuable and they wanted those things in that room. So when I say I didn't trick anyone into letting me be here, it's wherever she is at the moment, I did earn it.

Okay, now normally this is where the episode would end. Not time wise, but based on the way that we wrap things up, that was the formal conversation we had and it was very productive, it was very helpful. And I know this episode was a little bit different than most. We didn't really get the gory details of the imposter syndrome of what goes through someone's head. So you can possibly have sort of a reaction to that. I certainly understand that and how the, the audience is who I'm here for. But it opens up what we're here for. Right. We aren't just here to understand what's going on in each of my guests brains. We're here to gather tool to get resources from these amazing people that are kind enough to share their insights on the podcast. Whether they are a person who does shift work or they're in the C suite. There are moments where they have those imposter syndrome thoughts come in or self doubt stopping them in their tracks. We have tools like that visualization Dr. Williams Pratt gave us of that kiss and being gentle and carrying that with us out into the world. We have that in us. Whether we have cultivated that ability, that imagination or not is up to us. But we have the ability to use these tools and to grow with them. Also to use compassion when our brains would tell us that perhaps compassion isn't the best choice, that perhaps we would just be better served by telling ourselves we're not worth a whole lot and that we should just stop in our tracks. Now, Dr. Williams Pratt used every second she possibly could to encourage. That's why she's great at speaking. That's why I wanted her on the podcast. As we go into this next part, the ending part of this episode, I want you to understand that the podcast was over. We were just chatting, and me and Dr. Williams Pratts were just, you know, shooting the breeze and a few really good nuggets popped up. I just had to include more in this. So you'll see me act just a touch more laid back than I normally am in the episode because I'm not working off of my interview ethos or whatever that is. I'm just having a chat with a new friend. So you'll see some of that pop in and you'll have her have some. You'll hear her have some really nice words for me that were truly touching. I wanted you to enter into that moment that gets vulnerable and intimate and it's just like playing an acoustic set, you know, I mean, we did the big concert of the show. The episode was fun. We did our whole thing and then we were just talking and the things that just pour out of us are. Are really good. And so you're also going to hear me just end the episode. So this is going to kind of be it in the middle here. And then she asked for my final thoughts, so I just give them. And. And I actually think it's a really good place to end. So I think that's what we're gonna do. And, you know, we'll see you in the next episode where I am just as excited to bring you that fantastic conversation. So I'll do this thing now. If you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt, I'd love to hear from you. Shoot me an email at sort of surepodmail.com.

So what are your final thoughts? What are your final thoughts?

My final thoughts on what? On this interview.

Well, what are you going to leave your audience with?

Oh, you mean for. For this whole thing? Well, normally I do a separately recorded outro to save you time, but how I. How I frame it is we are just like reaching in love. Just like when we were talking about. Well, when you did a Fantastic poem that I. If it were anyone else, I would swear you had written down. But I think just. This has been a study of reaching in love, this conversation. You have shown the way for people to step out of fear, and that's into love. And that just having that welcoming atmosphere for my listeners and for. I'm sure your many audiences will change lives. Just that demeanor that you have. And I'm sure that I'm not telling you anything new, but that's what I feel. And on final thoughts, I can't see a room you don't belong in. And that's cultivated, right? And you've worked very hard to be that person, because I feel very strongly that, you know, no one was made in the lab. No one's a superhero that just showed up fully made. But you've also come through a lot of things, right? You've also had a divorce. You've had cancer a few times. You have done so many things already, and it hasn't slowed you down, you know, either for a really good thing happening or a really bad thing happening. You've been a person who. Stalwart in wanting to move forward, in wanting to change lives. And in getting to the crux of that, I see a person who is showing love. And I don't think there is a vanishing market for a person like that. And not even, you know, I know market brings up money, things, but that means to me, somebody who is always going to be in demand in community. You are a person who draws people to themselves, and it's so evident that that part of you is. Has essentially always been there.

So here's what I want to leave you with. You are never an accident in the room you're in.

Never.

You didn't get lucky. You didn't sneak past the gate or the guard, because you're the door. What you're doing right now, you're the door. You're the reason that the door is open. So whenever you're building or healing or hoping or whatever you're going through, keep reaching, Samar. Even when your hands get shaky and your head gets tired and your eyes get weary, that's where the real work starts. That's the real you. That's actually where you live. And if doubt shows up, because it always does, you know, just smile. Because doubt only visits people doing things that really matter. And that's what you're doing, at least to me, what you're doing right now with people, with this podcast, with this community, it matters. So keep creating, keep speaking, keep that wonderful smile, that beautiful heart. Rest and begin again. Because I believe you got this. That's how I feel.

I love that. Thank you.

You're welcome. And thank you so much for having me. And know that I see your heart. You're not invisible to me.

Well, thank you.

And you never will be. Bye. Bye.

Later days.