Welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. Where doubt looms, fear whispers, and the only way forward is through. I'm Samar Carbo and if you've ever felt like you're just sort of sure about what you're doing, you're not alone. This is where we face the uncertainty. Push past the hesitation and keep going anyway. So take a breath, step in, and let's move forward together. Hello and welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. I am Samar Carboh, as you probably heard in the opening and I am gonna bring you a conversation today once again about self doubt, about imposter syndrome, and about a story of a woman who just wouldn't quit. Today you're gonna hear from Cindy Witteman. She is an executive director of a nonprofit. She is the owner of a magazine. She is an all around awesome person who multiple award winning and best selling author and lovely to have a conversation with. But you're going to hear a person who's further along their journey. So I need you as people to hear this, that this is a person who's been through some tough times and remember that what you're hearing is a person on the other side of a whole lot of work. She makes it sound easy because she's used to talking about it, to provide you with a new perspective, just to see it the way I do. I hear the pain that she's gone through and the desperation that she feels while doing her level best to prevent anyone else from feeling the despair in her life. Moving on. So I want you to listen to this and have yourself a listen with that perspective.

My name is Cindy Witteman. I'm from San Antonio, Texas. I am the founder and CEO of Driving Single Parents, which is a nonprofit where we give away cars to single parents, single parents in need. Also the founder and editor in chief of Force magazine, host of Little Give TV show. I'm a five time best selling author and I've got a pretty large family.

Seeing all of these things that you mentioned, you've got the magazine, you've got the TV show, you've got your nonprofit and you're an author. That's a lot of things.

Do you just like to stay busy.

Or do these things come along naturally?

Yeah. So yes and yes. I actually had found out when I started the nonprofit that I fear public speaking. And so one day after, you know, years down the road, I said, you know what, this fear of public speaking is really holding me back from getting my message out to the masses. Right. I really need to get over this. So I made a commitment to myself that I was just going to start saying yes to opportunities. And by starting to say yes, opportunities really just started to pour in. And in fact, that first book deal came three weeks after I made that commitment to myself. And there short after, I ended up with another one. And then the TV show was asked of me to host.

Now, the TV show, that's when you don't run across every day.

How'd that get to you?

Yeah, well, again, same thing. I got that first book and then the second one. And then they asked me if I would be willing to host a TV show. And of course, with my fear of, you know, self sabotage and my fear of, you know, being seen and all the things that I have from some trauma I faced in the past, I said, absolutely not. You got to be out of your ever loving mind. There's no way. I don't know anything about tv. I don't like to be on camera, and I definitely, definitely do not want to be looked at by millions of people. It ain't gonna happen. But then that sneaky thing came back where I was like, cindy, made a commitment to yourself. You're gonna start saying yes. This is an opportunity for you to showcase your nonprofit and everything else. You're trying to create change for good in the world. So you got to think about it. So I started to think about it and I told them of course no. And then they said, well, what if we let you pick the name of your show? What if we let you pick the layout? What if we let you pick the mission? What if we let you pick your guest? Would you do it then? Well, with all the barriers being removed and that sneaky little commitment I made to myself, I ended up saying yes. And now, two years later, I've been the host of Little Give TV show. And we just highlight ordinary people doing extraordinary things to help others. So just another opportunity that presented itself by simply being willing to be open.

To opportunity on this TV show, I'm getting the sort of, like John Krasinski, some good news vibes. Is that what you were going for? It just kind of is good and is positive for people in general. So that's where I'm getting that.

Yeah, I was really going for that. I wanted to spread good news. I feel like there's so much bad news out there, you know, of course bad news fails. And so when I thought about what would make it worth it for me to get in front of that camera and do it, afraid week after week, I thought man, you know, if I could spread good news and kindness and showcase all the amazing people that are in this world, you know, obviously there, our world's not perfect, but there's a lot of really great people out there doing amazing things to try to make it better. And I thought, man, it'd make it worth it for me to shine a light on those great people. And so that's how I ended up in figuring out to choose the name Little Give to show people that the little things that you do really add up to that ripple effect of kindness and those big gifts altogether.

Yeah, that little quote from Aesop is so powerful. But you've mentioned a couple of times some trauma that you had and you also use that kind of tencent word, that self sabotage that I'm sure if they're listening to this show, my audience is familiar with. But would you like to talk about a little bit of that? A little bit of what sort of was dragging you back before?

Absolutely, yeah. So I grew up super poor. I grew up. I had a single mom raise me and although my dad is one of my best friends now, he was off and I was with my mom most of the time. She had primary custody of me. My mom was amazing and a loving person, but she was terrible with money. So we often got evicted and we went without food and running water sometimes and had to rely on the kindness of a lot of other people, often to be able to get our basic needs met. So that was already a struggle growing up. Well, as I got into my teen years, I said, you know what? I know how to fix this. I'm going to get married and start my own white picket fence. And I could do a way better job than her. And so that's what I did early in my teens. Ended up getting married and sadly, it ended up being a very abusive relationship. And so I suffered a lot of trauma in there. And you know, as I mentioned, my mom was terrible with money, but she was so loving. I never experienced violence in the home or any of those things. So when this started to happen to me, with me making that commitment to myself that this was going to be forever and I was going to give my kids that two parent home, I decided to just swallow it and do everything that I could to make it work. And I just felt like I could do this, I could shoulder all of this pain, no problem. I got this. And because my daughters were not being physically abused, I felt like I should stay and stick it out and make it work no matter what, stick with my Commitment. And so one day I was watching Dr. Phil and Dr. Phil said, it's better to come from a broken home than it is to grow up in one. And I don't know what it was, it felt like he was talking to me in that moment, like directly to me. And I was like, whoa. It hit me that although I thought I was doing the right thing by my daughters by creating this happy family and this two parent home and all the things I didn't have and stability, I realized that I was actually dragging them through a bunch of trauma and that I was actually teaching them it's okay to be treated like that. So I stood up in that moment. I got a basket of clothes, a bag of diapers and, and we left that situation and I built a new life for us. I worked two jobs for myself through college.

And so what was, what was your timeline there? So you, you, I mean obviously you didn't walk out of there and into the little give studio. Was there a long time between all these things? I mean you went, you went to college, did all these, these amazing things.

Yeah, there was a timeline between there. You know, I, it took me a while to kind of find my footing and of course to, because I left that situation knowing that I was going to drag my daughter through single parenthood journey, I committed to myself that I was not going to be what my ex used to tell me all the time was like, you're going to be on food stamps and welfare. You're going to be a loser like your mama, your girls are not going to have anything. All those things that precondition that happens whenever you're in an abusive relationship. I promised myself that I was never going to do that. I was going to take care of what I had control over and I was going to make sure that I gave my daughters something to be proud of. And so it did take me some time to get my footing and get myself into a place and finish school and then get myself in a position to where I could do a better life or make a better life for us as a family. So there was some time in between there, but it wasn't, it was eight years ago when I started my nonprofit driving single parents where we give away cars.

And through all of that you just, you were like there's a rocket attached to you just to the moon you were headed.

Well, I had to overcome a lot of fear and self doubt and self sabotage and imposter syndrome and a lot of things that for a long time I feel like held me back, but I pushed myself to do it anyways. And that commitment I made to my daughters, that I was going to make them proud and I was going to break the chains. Back when I was a kid, when I was living with my mom, there was a song that came out by Travis Tritt, and it was a song called I'm gonna be somebody one day. And one of the lyrics in that song was, I'm gonna be somebody one day. One of these days I'm gonna break these chains. And that was something that was like a driving force for me throughout my life, was like, one of these days I'm gonna break these chains of generational poverty. One of these days I'm gonna break these chains of cycles of abuse that has been suffered. One of these days I'm gonna break these chains. And I feel like sitting here today, the city that I am, I've done a pretty good job at breaking some of those chains so that my daughters can see what success looks like and can see what it is to be a good person. Because that's the primary concern is like, how can we be good people and try to make a better tomorrow for the entire world, not just ourselves?

Absolutely. I love hearing that. And as I'm hearing you talk, I guess I start to wonder, is there anything you can't do?

I don't think I'm ever going to be an NFL player.

You don't have the height requirement, is that it?

Yeah, my muscle tone is a little weak.

But you seem to almost from the way you describe it. And of course, you know, anybody who achieves at a high level is assumed a superhero. But is there a trick or a habit that you have in place where you. You sort of get some help from yourself, your past self, or your routine in quieting the voice of that imposter syndrome when it comes up?

Absolutely. I mean, I think one of the driving mantras I have is like, if it's to be, it's up to me, you know, And I've never put myself since I left that abusive relationship in a situation to where it was up to somebody else to dictate my happiness. It was up to somebody else to measure my success. I've made it my mission to if it's to be, it's up to me. And if I want an opportunity and I can't find that opportunity, I will create it.

That's the best. And along those lines, you do seem very action oriented. So when you mentioned the self sabotage, are you say if you're feeling those self Sabotage type feelings. You're in the throes of imposter syndrome. It doesn't. You know, maybe not so much today, but at one point, you didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Was that a get moving, burn it all down kind of imposter syndrome, or was it quieter for you?

Yeah, I mean, it's been both. I mean, I want to say that even today, where I stand, it never goes away. That sneaky little, you know, self, you know, sabotage and imposter syndrome, all that, it doesn't go away. And that's one thing that I used to look at other people like, man, I can't wait till I can be confident myself like they are. But now I realize that nobody's 100% confident all the time. Nobody has a great day every day. And everybody has the ability to end up in the sewer cycle where you're just thinking one negative thought after another after another. I think the power that I found is how to change the channel in my mind. You know, whether it be that I'm. All of a sudden I have this negative thought and I start to catch myself going in that sewer cycle. Whether it be that I read a book or I call a friend or I put on positive music, or I put my focus on something else, or I journal or I write. I mean, I want to be very clear that it never goes away. It's a matter of finding out what works for you and your brain to kind of change that channel in your mind to get you off to something more positive. Because negative thoughts compound. And when you have one, you'll have another and another. Before you know it, your whole mind is full of all the negative thoughts. And that doesn't get anybody anywhere.

So what's one piece of advice that you would have for someone who's struggling with imposter syndrome or to prevent them from struggling with it?

I'm a big. I love think and ink. I think and ink all the time. And it's something about that switch where you write down your thoughts. And I've really found that if I'm struggling with something or I'm starting to feel like I'm not good enough, or who am I? And that happens to me. To this day, I'm like, who am I to be having my own magazine? I don't even like to read. How am I a bestselling author, even like to read? I've always struggled with these things, like, who am I? So even to this day, it's a matter of me sitting down and thinking in ink and writing out, why do I feel this way? What do I expect of myself? And what would I tell somebody who's in my situation? And so oftentimes I'll tell people, you got to get real clear with yourself. And a lot of times, we're our own worst critics. Like, I'm sure that you've heard that a thousand times before. And whatever it is that you think is going to go wrong, it couldn't be as bad as what you're thinking is going to go wrong. So if you sit down and you put a line down the middle of the paper and the left side, you write down what you want to do. And on the right side, you write all the things that can go wrong, usually you'll quickly understand that you can deal with all the things that could possibly go wrong, because what's worse is regretting the fact that you never tried.

Is that something that you instill in your daughters or you're holding off, waiting to see if they develop it?

Absolutely. I talk to my daughters about these things all the time. And I explained to them that nobody's perfect. You know, I. One of my books, my solo book that I wrote by myself was beyond the Smile. And that's one of the things I really wanted to show my daughters and all people, is that there's always something going on beyond that smile. And it's really important because now with social media and everything, I have young daughters, I have older daughters, I have teens right now. I have younger daughters and teens, and I have five grandkids. And so it's really important for people to understand that whenever you're looking on social media, you're looking at Facebook and Instagram and you're seeing everybody having their best day, and they're at the beach and they're traveling to other countries, that those people have something going on beyond the smile, too. And every day is not their great day. They are showing you what is great that day. And it's really important for all of us to understand that everybody is human just like us. And no matter how much money you make and no matter where you are in your life, and no matter how accomplished you look on Facebook or Instagram or on paper, everybody has something going on beyond a smile. And I think it's easy for teens and young women, men, everybody, even adults, to get really caught up in the cycle of thinking. Everybody else has it figured out what's wrong with me, and I think that we've got to dispel that. So I talk to my kids all the time about self sabotage, about how to be confident, about how to take care of you. And anytime that you're in doubt, take action. No matter what it is, no matter what action you take, do something. There's nothing worse than just being stagnant. So to do something. So, yes, I talk to my kids about it all the time.

That's great.

And in preparing for this interview, I did check that out. And I love that, and so many times, and I hear you talk about it now, and you mentioned it earlier too, that you had these almost automatic negative thoughts that you kept throwing at yourself, of course, before the manifesting came in. And it sounds like you decided these were lies at a certain point. Like you're, you're going to be. You're going to end up like your mother. You're going to be a loser. These sorts of things that are lies. How did you find out? Or did you just always know and you, you only took them on in low points?

I didn't always know. I. But I did know that I was willing to commit to being better than what I was expected to be, if that makes sense. Where I felt like my potential was only. Was kind of capped, you know, like, yeah, well, if I just feel a little better than my mom or whatever, I always felt like that was it for me. And so. But I was determined to be more than that. And I was determined to show my daughters that you can, you know, whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way, you're right. That's a famous quote by Henry Ford. And so I would always tell myself, like, if I think I can, I can. If I think I can't, I can't. Either way, I'm going to be right. So which one's it going to be? And I'm like, I can. And so then I just slowly but surely pushed myself into creating whatever opportunities I wanted and doing those things. But I will tell you, it took me a while to really get out of that sewer cycle. You know, my brain would just continuously, you know, go off into the negative and I would try to pull it back and I would go again, and I'd try to pull it back and, and rethink it and try a new way and try to make myself think something positive. And I had a really hard time with that for a while, but I ended up doing this trick, which is not for everyone, but it worked for me. I just, for some reason was like, you know what? I'm gonna try. I'm Gonna try to do something that will trigger my brain to realize bad thoughts are bad. So I put a simple office rubber band on my wrist and every time I caught myself going off into that negative thought pattern, I would just snap that rubber band. And let me tell you, my brain is a very fast learner. I learned because really quickly my brain realized, hey, something negative is going to happen if I go in that direction. And then now my brain is trained out more often than not to go to the positive. And so it just worked for me. So with the magazine, I actually ended up having somebody come up to me and they said, what's next for you? And at first I was kind of upset because I was like, what do you mean, what's first for me? What's next for me? I've already done this, this and this. Like, how much more can one person do? So every night before bed, I wrote down on a little three by five card, you know, what's next for you? I did that for three days in a row. And on the third night I had this dream that I had my own magazine. And it was called Force and it was going to highlight people who are a force to be reckoned with. So the next morning I woke up, I wrote it all down, I called my publicist and I said, by any chance, can y' all help me do it magazine? And they said, ah, yeah, I think we can do that. So ever since then I've had the magazine and we're now celebrating our one year anniversary of Force magazine where we highlight people from around the world who are doing good. I realized in my journey with the TV show and everything else that with the TV show I could highlight four amazing people a month. With the magazine I could highlight 40amazing people a month. So it really made a light, a brighter light on those amazing people out there who are doing great things to support spread good news. And so that is my story of manifesting my amazing magazine that really is doing incredible and highlighting some amazing people.

So great. And I'll include a link to the to the magazine's website in the show notes. Truly wonderful speaking with you today. Cindy, thank you so much for being on the sort of share podcast.

Thank you. All right, we'll talk soon. I really appreciate you.

Bye now.

Alrighty folks, once again, that is a wrap for this episode of the Sword of Shore podcast. If today's conversation got you thinking, don't stop here. Grab my free one page masterclass to start tackling imposter syndrome with clarity and confidence. Today you can find it linked in the show notes. And hey, I'd love to hear your story. If you've got a personal experience with imposter syndrome, whether you've battled it, still wrestling with it, or or had a breakthrough, send me an email at sort of sharepodmail.com your story might just help someone else take the next step on their journey. Until next time, keep showing up even when you're sort of sure. Later days.

Sam Sa.