Welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. Where doubt looms, fear whispers, and the only way forward is through. I'm Samar Carbo and if you've ever felt like you're just sort of sure about what you're doing, you're not alone. This is where we face the uncertainty. Push past the hesitation and keep going anyway way. So take a breath, step in, and let's move forward together.

Hello and welcome to the Sort of Shore Podcast. In case you missed it in the beginning, my name is Samar Carbo. I am so excited to bring you this conversation. Today I sat down with Marnie Martin and she told me all about her experience with affirmations, her coaching career, and so much more. I am excited to bring you into this, but before we get there, if you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt, shoot me an email at sort of surepod gmail.com. let's have a listen.

My name is Marnie and I am a lifestyle and mindset coach. I have a a couple of businesses. I wear a few hats as a creative entrepreneur. So one of the things I do is I'm actually professional voiceover artist and I have a podcast called Life is Delicious and I love to help people, predominantly women. I do focus a little bit on midlife and beyond in my podcast, but it's really about being able to find your own center and to be able to let go of some of the labels that we have placed upon us as we go into different, you know, places in our life. And yeah, so I really try to help people recraft this next chapter of their life in a way that brings them joy and is authentic to who they are. And yeah, so that's kind of what I do. So a mindset coach as well.

Fantastic. So as what makes you so keen to help people, you could have done anything, but you do the, the hard work of being a coach and helping people with their mindset and, and everything.

Why I think it's been in me probably most of my life. I've been wanting to do this work for more than a decade and I've dabbled in little bits and pieces throughout the course of my life in different areas. But I think, I think partly why I'm really passionate about the middle life sector is because for me, I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. And I think going through those things for myself and having to create my own boundaries and reinvent myself, that I've learned a lot of little tips and tricks along the way and it's just really so beautiful when you can let go of some of the things that have held you back for a long period of time. And so I just want to share that with people because it's. It's really cool. And I think this next chapter of life is where, if we do it right, we get to really live our dreams and be the best version of ourselves in our health and our wellness and also in our mindset.

Amazing. You mentioned about having to learn a lot of things the hard way. Can you give us an example?

Um, I went through, actually, I. I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction. Um, and so I do. I do follow a lot of different, you know, people that teach that, and it's a lot of what I do in my podcast as well. But I went through a phase. I was going through my second divorce, and I was just struggling with everything. I was fearful being on my own again, wondering if I could afford to, you know, take care of myself. Like, there was a lot of imposter syndrome and just a lot of reinvention and fear. And I think I was living in a scarcity place as well. And I went through this whole phase. It was really. It's. It's kind of a bit of a long story, but I'll try and give you the Cliff Notes I was going to do. I'm also have worked as a wine rep. So at this particular moment, I was working as a wine rep. And so I had to go down to do this festival. And I think when we're in our scarcity mindset, we have a tendency to make excuses, maybe tell little white lies. And so I was not very punctual. So I was. I was always late for everything. And so this one particular day, I was late, and I called the organizer and I said, I got a flat tire. And she said, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. And of course, I didn't get a flat tire. That was completely an untruth. And. But she was incredibly gracious. So by the time I actually got to the event, their whole team of people swooped me up and everybody helped me, and they all came along and made my day just so beautiful. And everybody was so concerned about me. And at the end of the event, I'm not kidding you, I went out to my car and I had a flat tire. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I created that. And a few other things happened that same weekend where it was just coincidentally things. And what I learned from that experience is that our words are Incredibly powerful. And that when we speak something and it's not a truth or it is a truth, we're creating the story of our life. So when we do tell untruths like you call in and say you're sick for work, chances are it's a good possibility you could pick something up, you know, so there's all of those things I think that really do. So that was a big shift for me and I just decided I'm never going to use my words in that way anymore and I'm going to make sure that I use my words with integrity. And that was a powerful shift for me. So that was a one example anyways.

That's awesome. And of course, you know, everybody's been in that position where, you know, you're right on the cusp of, of, you know, telling a lie or telling the truth and you have to make that decision. And ultimately it's, it's what we think of ourselves that kind of puts it us, puts us one way or the other. So thank you so much for sharing that. So you also mentioned things holding you back in life and was that, was that one of the things that was holding you back as you were learning the law of attraction or were you talking about something a little bit different, say childhood or something like that?

No, I think for me, I think the law of attraction is something I've always understood, but it takes a while for it to become a practice or at least it did for me. So it was something I understood in my head. I understood cerebrally why it would work and all the things. But to be able to actually put it into practice and make it a part of my daily life, that was something I had to really work on. And, and a lot of times we don't, we have a scarcity mindset or we have a lack of belief in ourself that comes from maybe, maybe something in childhood or something that you can't even pinpoint that is holding you back from your self love and really caring for yourself in the way that you care for other people. And that I'm a people pleaser, have been my whole life. So I'm a recovering people pleaser, let's say that. And I think that's a piece of it is when you're a people pleaser sometimes you, you will have a tendency to put everyone else first and so your own needs become very secondary. And so for me to actually shift that, I had to start to make myself a priority and love myself enough to say, you know, everybody else gets to have what they want, but I do too, you know, and it took a while for me to learn that on my own. And, and so that's something I come up against a lot with my clients is because that's. It's a real commonality and we're not immune to that. And it sometimes just takes a little practice and you need somebody to love you along the way.

When you were talking about your imposter syndrome in your life, what is the inner conversation when that comes up?

Well, I think what's been an interesting shift now as I've gone into doing the podcast and moving forward with some of the work I'm doing now is I think before, I mean, I had some of the very same ideas, but I think I would look at other people doing what I wanted to do and think, oh, they're so much more accomplished. Oh, they have so many more skills than I do. Or, oh, they've got more experience or they came from a different place. And so there's just. And so much of that is really our self sabotage, just sneaking in and not really giving ourselves credit for what we actually do know and the experience we do have. And so that's one of the things I love about being in midlife, is that you kind of get to a place where you really realize that you have a bunch of life experience and everything and everything you've done to this point will has led you here. And there's no accidents. And sometimes we have to take a left turn and go down a road. We go, what's that road for? We're maybe we got lost, but the truth of the matter is we needed to go down that road in order to get back over here and learn that lesson. And now we can bring it all together. So now when I go through circumstances where I'm doing something that's maybe really scary, and I feel like, who am I to do this? I think to myself, well, who am I not to now? And it didn't. Wasn't always that way, but now I'm like, why not me? Why not me? You know, and that's a whole different dialogue shift. And, and when you can actually play with your words and the thoughts that you have and shift them around and give them a little bit of a rewrite, it can change the entire game.

So this is, you know, a difficult perspective to have in. In today's world with all the just constant everything bombarding us to. To think differently. Do you have any particular D that you put in or habits that you keep in your life to keep you in this really awesome mindset of using your words so carefully.

That's a great question. I, I think everything that we do intentionally has to become a practice if we want it to stick. And so I do definitely use. Gratitude's a huge one for me and I went through a phase and there's some, the jury's out a little bit for some people on affirmations because if you are broke and you say I'm a millionaire often there's so much discord with your belief system that that's just not going to work right. So what we have to do is find ways to use affirmations in a way where I'm getting better every day and I'm learning this and I can do this and little things like that, that, that are smaller, more bite sized nudges that can bring you forward, but they're not going to put a whole bunch of resistance in your way. So for me, I definitely do that and I have a really cool practice which I would encourage all of your listeners to do would be to write what your ideal life would look like and get super duper specific. And if you have the ability to record it on your phone, great. If not, put it in a journal or something and read it every day or every once a week and keep that forefront in your mind of where you're going and what you're building and who you want to become. And slowly over time you move into that space and it's a really beautiful thing. So it's a really powerful way. I actually do mine because obviously I do the audio stuff, I record mine in an audio and I send it to myself as an MP3 on my phone or you can put it in your voice memos. And every morning when I get up, I listen to it before, before I even get out of bed.

That's so good. And I, I love the idea of combating that cognitive, that cognitive dissonance. Oh gracious. English is hard some days. That cognitive dissonance with incremental affirmations, I love that. And I've been asking people in my life, just personally, I'm a coach as well, but I don't tend to use affirmations because of the reason that you said some people just can't get past. I'm not that, so why would I say that? And so I use other things to get them there. But when you say, okay, well I'm doing my best or I'm getting better every day, these sorts of things would help people move the the goal posts a little bit closer every single day. And that is so cool to hear. So I'm definitely going to tell my friends and relatives to do that from now on.

Yeah, it's really cool. It's, it works. And it, I think there's sc. I don't know all of the science, but there is science to show that when you first wake up in the morning, if you go into worry mode and start thinking about what happened yesterday or what you were doing before or what you have to do, you're basically setting your new day in a place where you're actually reliving the past as opposed to putting new thoughts in before all of those other things sneak in. So that's where I think getting that.

Mindset, that is great.

And you start your day with those affirmations, listening to them, which is such a wonderful way to do it right.

Into your, into your mental dialogue. And that's what you start with. And then everything else is going to come. But when you start with the good stuff, it's a lot easier to combat those negative thoughts as they come in too, because you've already set yourself up for success.

Yeah, and that's, that's one of my favorite things on, on podcast release day. For me, that's Fridays. I just listen to my own podcast. And these people just be so, so inspirational in a moment, you know, that, that might, you know, is definitely their highlights, but it gets me past my blooper reel of a life. You know, I know all the little stuff that happens.

Absolutely. Yeah. And it's a, it's a process. Right. One day at a time.

Absolutely wonderful. And so as we, as we're, you know, kind of living our lives, we never really meet this person. But when I want to give you an opportunity to talk to them, if you were looking at someone who wanted to do just the, the wonderful work that you do, wanted to get to the place that you are, but they're stuck. They're stuck behind the walls of imposter syndrome and you know, self made things that keep them away from, from even trying. What advice would you give them?

You know, it's really interesting, I think at the heart for, I mean not everyone, but I would say a good majority of people, they are afraid to get it wrong. So they just don't do anything. And so that perfectionism and the procrastination is a means of protecting themselves in a way. And so a lot of what I teach with my clients and on the podcast is to start messy and be okay with it to not be perfect, because I can tell you 100% for sure, I'm still a fairly new podcast podcaster. And when I did my very first podcast, it was good. It was fine. And my second one was hard, but it was good and it was fine. You know, as you know and as you go through now, they're getting just a little better every time. And not only are they getting better, I'm getting better at editing and better at putting it together. So it's becoming more pleasurable. But I could have never gotten to the place where it's starting to become pleasurable if I didn't take the first step. So that's the thing. I really encourage people. If you have any kind of dream on your heart, whether it's writing a song or a book or, you know, anything that's, you know, picking up an instrument or learning a language, it just starts with that very first step and being okay with it being messy and not perfect and just giving yourself grace to say, tomorrow, I'm just gonna do 2% better. And if you can do that, pretty soon those two percents, five percents, three percents, they add up, and all of a sudden you'll go, holy cow, I really am capable of this. And it's pretty awesome.

In your life, you mentioned previously about the life experience and things like that, but is there. Is there more to the formula of getting past that imposter syndrome when, say, when you were first starting your podcast?

I think it's good to have a coach. I think that's really important, whether it's. You have a mentor that you listen to their work. And I think the lesson that took me a while to learn is to be coachable. I'm a bit of a lone wolf, so I tend to try and want to figure things out by myself. Have done that my whole life. And it's just recently where when I started to do this podcast, I got a coach and signed up for a program. And I said, you know what? I'm just gonna. I'm gonna do what they tell me to do, and I'm gonna trust the process, and I'm gonna move forward that way.

And.

And I think that's really important. I think for so many of us, especially if you're a fairly clever person, you can figure things out on your own. Sometimes we're like, I'm not going to pay for that course. I'm just going to figure it out. I'm going to, you know, duct tape it together and figure it out. And often we get Some results, but we don't always get the results we really want. And I know for sure if I had done that 10 years ago, I would be way further ahead than I am now. But I am where I am. And so, you know, I think that's just really important is to. To allow someone else to give you some guidance and to also ask for help if you need it. And that's okay because we all need help. And you know that having someone else to be accountable to or to say, I don't really know what to do next. And then you get some advice. And it's because we're not in this alone. Right? We don't have to be.

So I want to give you a chance to mention anything you didn't get to mention.

Awesome. Well, I just. In December, I launched a book called Happy is Not an Accident. And it is a guided journal. And it's really all the things that we talked a lot about today. So there's chapters on loving yourself more, There's a chapter on gratitude, and I have a really fun tool in there that I think everybody can take advantage of, and it's called the reverse bucket list. And so instead of putting together all of the things that you want to do from here on, you look back at your life and say, what did I get right? What did I do perfectly already? And what. You know, and it really helps with that imposter syndrome to go, holy cow, I did that and I did this and I, you know, and you get to really look at the things you did accomplish and that you've done really right. And it's a great way to amplify your gratitude. So if anybody's interested in that, it's a just. It's a really great tool just to have. Help you get clarity on what lights you up and what's weighing you down and what you want to get rid of. And so, yeah, you can get it on my website at lifeisdelicious Ca or on Amazon. So it's. Yeah. Hopefully it'll be of use to somebody and. And help you get some clarity to write that new chapter.

Amazing. I love that. And I'll take. I'll make sure I put links in the show notes so that everyone can get access. Well, thank you so much for being on the Sortershire podcast, Marnie. It has been a huge pleasure.

Oh, it's been such a joy to talk to you as well, and I hope we can do it again. And I wish you all the success in your podcasting.

Thanks so much.

Same to you, right?

What a fantastic conversation. I had so much fun. I want to thank Marnie Martin for coming on the show. I hope we can do it again sometimes. Time for the rest of you, I.

Had a blast with this.

I hope you learned something out of it. And I want to touch on something that she said. Incremental growth is so helpful. We, we really push and hope for these big changes, these windfalls of money, of prosperous thoughts, of success, of a new work environment. But incremental growth is how everything gets done. And of course, even more to the point, nobody does anything alone. If you're a lone wolf, you're not going to see success nearly as quickly as somebody who has help, who has friends, who can lean on somebody to see themselves through a situation. Well, that's it for the Sword of Sheer podcast this Friday. Thank you so much for tuning in. I look to forward forward to being able to share with you again next week. If you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt, shoot me an email at sort of surepod gmail.com later days.