Welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. Where doubt looms, fear whispers, and the only way forward is through. I'm Samar Carbo, and if you've ever felt like you're just sort of sure about what you're doing, you're not alone. This is where we face the uncertainty. Push past the hesitation, and keep going anywhere way. So take a breath, step in, and let's move forward together.

Hello and welcome to the Sword of Sure podcast. In case you missed it in the intro, I am Samar Carbo and I have a really fun one for you. Today we are talking with my sister, Changu Carbo, actor, singer, virtuoso. She's been in a couple of things she might talk about that we'll see. But before we get into that, if you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt and you'd like it to be on the podcast or you'd just like to tell me how the show is going, shoot me an email at sort of surepodmail.com let's have a listen.

Hi, my name is Changu Carbo. I am Samar's big sister who is shorter than him because he is rude enough to have gotten taller. I am also an actor who would love to produce and write for myself and would hope one day to get out of my own way and be as successful as I know I can be. How's that?

All right? Solid. That's great. So you mentioned that you wanted to get out of your own way. What? What do you mean? What do you mean? When you're, you're in your way, it's.

A whole lot of I know the things that I need to do to move forward. You know, it's acting. I know I need new headshots. I know I need to lose weight. I know I need to.

To, you know, be putting out a. Not like a newsletter. But you do need to stay in contact with casting directors and all those things. But I am.

So.

I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm bothering the casting directors with my news. Every time I get cast in a thing, I.

Lose my appetite, but only want to eat candy every time I'm stressed. Like food sounds gross, but the only thing that I can find that does not sound disgusting is a piece of candy. And it's like, well, that's not one sugar. Not great. Not the greatest thing thing for you. But also not eating slows down your metabolism. So it's like guaranteed way to just, you know, to, to gain weight. And then as far as headshots there's always a reason to not take headshots. That this is not. You know, especially as a black woman who knows how to do her own hair. Like, I don't look any kind of way at any specific time. So I can always justify waiting for the next hairstyle to be the one that I'll. That I'll take a headshot in with the knowledge that I'll look different in some way.

So there's. There's always some justification or some. I don't know, just some justification, something that I can put in place to. To slow down progress. Because I know that if I. If I wrote and produced works that are in my head, that. That's more tape on me, therefore, more work. So, you know, so just like, there's just a lot of different ways and things that I. That I know that I do to get that. That are in my way while not doing the things I need to do to get those things out of my way. It's definitely a protection thing. It's. It's twofold, I would say, because it's. It's one. What if I tried my hardest and I'm not. Because I remember in, like, high school and college, everyone was always like, oh, my gosh. Like. Like, one of my teachers in college said, oh, my gosh, Changu gets on a stage, and she is a flash force. Like, she is just, like. You can't take your eyes off her. And it's like, well, what if all that was wrong? What if, you know, out in the big world, you know, like a. You know, you get out from the small pond up into the big pond, and suddenly you're not the fish everyone told you you were. But then there's also a bit of. There was a thing I remember thinking when you reminded me of when you talked about, like, childhood. It happened for a while. Every time I tried something, it would not work out the first time, but it would work out the second time. Like, inevitably, every single time I went for something, every single time I tried to do something the first time, it would not work out. And I never understood what it was. But I. You know, growing up a Christian, I was always like, all right, God's got a plan. Totally fine, and we move. But. But over time, that started to feel like wasted effort. Like, okay, if I'm gonna be pushing forward to this time, is this the time? It's not gonna work, but then I'll have all the pieces in place for next time, or is it not supposed to work out at all? And I'm just wasting my time here, you know? So it's. So there's a, there's a. Yeah. And then there's some imposter scenario going. Imposter. You know, the, the imposter syndrome. There we go. Going on in there as well. Of like. Well, no, it was basically the first thing, the first thing I said, just like, what if I'm not as great as. As I have been feeling? Like I, like I was always told that I am. If I make myself smaller, then there's enough space for them.

Yeah. And there, there's. There was always another thing that always struck me was just the idea that I was, I. I grew up always being one of those people that everyone is always annoyed by that. Like, if I tried for like a big thing the first time, it would not work out. But if I just try to go like, okay, here's a new skill. Let's see if I can figure it out. I would parse it out in my head. And then the first time anyone saw it, which was usually pretty quick, it was like, good. And I was like, I felt like, okay, I think that's pretty good. Like, I remember doing a play in college and I had to play like a 20 year old and then like a 60 year old and like a 10 minute play. And I had to, I had to like have a, have a stroke at one point. So I just would chew up Twizzlers and put it in the corner of my mouth and just practice talking around it. And then when it was time to do the play, after I think three or four days of not even. Yeah, like, no, it was like three or four days of rehearsal for this 10 minute thing. And then I get up there and I was the only person in the entire festival to get a standing ovation. And everyone was like, wow, that was so good. And I was like, I don't feel like I worked hard enough to get that reaction. So I feel, I felt I was literally in tears with some of my friends. Like, I don't know why I got that reaction. I did not put in the work to get that, that response. And that tore me up for a while. And everyone's like, that was amazing. Just be amazing. What are you talking about? And I was just like, I don't, I didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve that. Like, I don't know what I wanted to do. Like, go to E person and be like, here is this back. I don't know what I wanted to do. But I. Yeah, there's just like. It's just if I take a step back from the immediacy with which I can do things, then it gives other people space to do their things, and then I can stay in the back and pay my dues that you're supposed to pay before moving forward without getting in the way of other people working out their things.

I. I talk to people. You know, there. There are people I talk to who don't want to come on the show but have the issue. And, you know, like, all of us have a myriad of them, like a constellation of issues. But when it comes to this, it is said over and over and over, the people who achieve are saying, I can't possibly be as good at this as people tell me I am. So since they're not going to insert this speed bump in my life, I'm going to.

I'll put it in there, insert it.

I'm. I'm going to do that. Because they're clearly inadequate for this job, Right? So now, you know, I'll. I'll pick up the slack, which is what you keep doing.

Everywhere is just pick up the slack.

So I guess the, the, you know the big question when you have things like that, right? Because it's. It's not just this one situation. This keeps coming up. You keep being in rooms where you feel, although you've done the work that was necessary, you've. You've done the whatever it takes, you've learned the reading, whatever it is, you've gotten all of it to be in the room, but you still feel like you don't belong there.

Yeah.

How do you cope?

The way I cope, the way I tend to cope is by finding other rooms that I'm not finding other, like, other things that I do not have the skills to do and, and finding ways to do those things in quiet ways, in quiet moments, like, rather than doing things in front of the world. For instance, I learned I really wanted to be able to do my. To like, to change my own oil, which is a thing I was. Thought people could do. Everyone always said, yeah, it's a thing. It's. It's not that hard. You just have to do it. And I figured out how to do it, and now I can do it. There was, you know, it's just like a bunch of like, like we had, like, a thing happen and our door broke. Like, the door frame broke and I figured out how to put it back on, and now we can. Now our door is attached and we have, like, a little pin code that I Also installed and, like, you know, put in a new mailbox and. And figured out how to do my nails and figured out how to braid my own hair. And it's just like all these, like, other things. So it's like, okay, well, she's, you know, she's a Renaissance girl with all these things that ultimately do not matter. But for the things that do matter, I. I feel like if I master enough of those other things, then I'll stop. Then I'll eventually.

Stay in the room, eventually get back to doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. And it works sometimes if there's a bunch of things that I'm supposed to be doing, a bunch of those other things I'm supposed to be doing, and then I just gotta slap this in, then I can just, you know, do the things, move on, and it'll feel about the same. You know, like, on a specific day, I change my oil, I take some new headshots, and then I go do something else that I can do. But if the day requires me to just be. To just be, like, one thing for the day, to just be an actor, I can't get out of bed.

So when do you think and do you think you'll reach a critical mass of skills that you've earned that have given you the value you've been seeking?

No idea.

Does it exist?

Does not exist. Because there's a million things to do in this world. Like, everyone is. You know, you take Shakespeare. He lived a whole life and he knew a whole bunch of things. And everyone always wonders how in the world is in one life can you acquire all those skills? But he still didn't know how to do everything. So, yeah, you can. He still accomplished his thing, I assume, which was the writing. But, yeah, so you can acquire a million skills and still not move forward on the things that you wanted to move forward on. It's. I think it's just a general feeling of being of, they're going to find out. They're gonna find out that I am not that other. You know, that, like, I'm not as qualified as they thought I was. Or it's. I guess it's the imposter thing. Just like. Like, yes, I have. You know, I went to acting school and I did the. You know, like, I've been. I'm a professional actor. There's a bunch of channels right now that you could see me on, and still my. I'm like, you know, like, I could show up to. To the job and just be like, all right, I'm going to walk in there and I'm going to begin acting. And they're going to go, nope, I'm going to actually, like, you know, they're just going to say no to me and ruin everyone else's day to hold me, hold the set up, to send me home and bring someone else in. So I. It's just, it's a, it's a. Yeah, I think it's just like they're going to, they're going to find me out there. There's. It's just a concept of being an imposter.

And whose voice do you hear that in?

Probably just mine. Yeah.

Okay. So you feel you're oppressing yourself?

I think it's like, like you said, like, the other people are not doing the job that they're supposed to be doing of keeping me in the correct spot, so I have to do it.

Well, if you want a job done, you got to do it yourself, right?

Yes, absolutely.

Gotta have it done. Right.

Right.

Otherwise. Otherwise you might start growing and feeling good about yourself.

And who wants that?

Yeah. So then, so then the question becomes, how do you strike back? How do you keep doing the things.

I love it too much to stop. I think that's ultimately it. Even though I don't think that I deserve to be there, I love being there. That so, so much that if I have to trick someone to get in the room, I'm going to trick someone to get in the room. But I love. I love being in the room too much to stop trying.

I like that. But it. It speaks to something I, I heard on Reddit. I don't know the exact name for it, but it was something like the clever con man instead of imposter syndrome. And that was saying that, yes, you're absolutely right, internal thought. I am not good enough for being in this room.

Right.

But I'm gonna trick everyone into thinking I belong here.

I like her.

Right. I don't hate the hustle.

Right. There we go.

What is the. The one piece of advice that you have for those who may be much earlier in your same process or who may just have a similar mindset to you to reaching the heights you have.

Despite the doubts you've had that you deserve. You deserve the results of your work. I've always believed work is love made visible. And you deserve the fruits of your labor. The. The things that come out from your hard work. Be a hard worker. And then the things that come out from your hard work are absolutely yours. Because. Yeah, because I. I'm a person who puts in the hard work. I always do. I always have. I love researching. I love. I love putting together, you know, finding out a million things about something I've never thought of before. How do I become a YouTuber? What are the steps to do that? I figured that out. I became a YouTuber. I made a little bit of money, and then I stopped myself when I would have gained more. You know, just like a whole bunch of things like that. Like. Like I am fully capable of working really hard, and the results of that are mine.

Work is love made visible.

Yeah, that's not by me. I did not come up with that. That is by.

Get on this podcast.

And no, I did not.

By. Who is that by? Khalil Gibran.

Never heard of him. Sounds like it came from you.

So that's. That's probably. I don't really know how long they've been talking, to be honest. We've been on this for hours. Yes, but. But pretty sure that's all we've got time for. Is there anything that you feel that we haven't gotten to touch on or that that was stirred up by our conversation that you would like to add sort of like as a post script to the podcast?

Only thing I can think of is that I taught you how to read, which is a fact. You can't see Samar right now, but he is shaking his head no. I very much disagree. I taught him how to read. Also.

I, you know, I don't have to include any of this. I'm the editor.

You're including that? Yes, please, please include that.

So I taught him how to read. And also.

I. Yeah, just that you deserve everything. You know, the. Whoever's listening, you deserve everything that you've. That you. That is your dream, your dream accomplishments, your dream, your wishes, anything that you wish to accomplish that is not going to hurt anyone else. 100% sage words. Yes.

And I think what. What really it all comes down to is, I mean, you know what you're doing. And I. I think anybody and I have the benefit of having been an entirely separate person my entire life. So, of course I can see that the work that you put in has an impact more than you are willing to acknowledge or look at. But this is the deal with everyone who comes on this podcast. Either they had a time when they were like that, or they are currently there and every day can just be 1% better than the day before. And 1% better never makes 100%. It's impossible. It's mathematically impossible, but it always makes better. And that's what we do. Yep, that's. That's also not by me, but it is mine on the podcast. So that's how quotes work now.

Got it.

I want to thank Changu for coming on the podcast. Thanks for being here, sister of mine.

Yeah, I enjoyed it. Asked me forever ago and I kept being busy, so. Yay.

Yeah, well, you know, I've been. I'm coming off of. I think it was five weeks, four or five weeks of just doing like, like a solo doo kind of thing. And, you know, you're my first interview back, so.

Yeah, I'm glad.

This is a strong episode. Thanks so much.

Thank you. I'm honored.

All right, well, you. It is quite late, so you go ahead and get some sleep.

I'm to sleep. Yes.

Bye now.

Bye.

What did I tell you? Such a fun show. We. We really do talk to each other like that. We are very complimentary occasionally and it is a fun relationship. Hasn't always been that way, but hey, everybody's been a teenager. Once again, if you have a story of imposter syndrome or self doubt and you'd like to be on the podcast, shoot me an email at sort of [email protected]. i really look forward to hearing from you. Well, that's all for us today. Later days.